Child Personal Safety
Talking to Your Children About Personal Safety and Child Abuse

This is not an easy subject. Child abuse is a very serious issue that parents and caregivers need to discuss with their children in order to decrease the child's risk of victimization. The following are some suggestions to use when talking with children.

  • Be objective and matter of fact.
  • Explain to the child that you are having this discussion because you are concerned about their safety.
  • Be open to what the child says.
  • Take their questions and concerns seriously.
  • Be honest.
  • If you don't know an answer to a question say so and offer to get the information.
  • Provide information and ask questions in a way that educates the child without overwhelming him/her.

Items for Discussion

  1. Review safety rules for your home.
    • Tell your child not to answer the door when you are not at home.
    • Establish a plan for answering the phone when they are alone or have them use the answering machine to screen calls.
  2. Make a list with your child of three safe grown-ups he/she can talk to if he/she is afraid or in trouble and you are not there.
  3. Talk with your child about what places are safe to visit in your community and which are not.
  4. Review with your child their four private places
    • The mouth
    • The breasts
    • The genitalia
    • The buttocks
  5. Explain that no one should touch these places unless they are helping to keep the child healthy (e.g. examinations by a doctor) or clean (e.g. bathing).
  6. Encourage your child to tell you if someone talks to or touches him/her in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable or that they don't like.
  7. Encourage open discussion with your child about their willingness to talk to the grown-ups in your family about the things that bother him/her.
  8. Determine if your child knows that the grown-ups in your family will listen to him/her.
    • Ask yourself honestly if this is true.
    • Do you and other adults in your family really listen to the children in your care?
  9. Tell your child that it is not the child's fault if someone tries to bother him/her or touch him/her in a way that they don't like.
  10. Let your child know how special you think they are and treat and talk with your child in a way that conveys your respect.
  11. Encourage him/her to think of themselves as a person worthy of respect, who also respects others.

Key Points

Personal rights:

Children's bodies are their own and no one may touch them without their permission unless there is a good reason (e.g., health, safety).

Feelings:

Encourage children to talk about their feelings with the adults in their lives, especially feelings of hurt or fright.

Safe People:

Children need to know to whom they can go if someone is bothering or frightening them.
Safe people are people who they know, who are trustworthy, who listen to them, and will believe them.

Unsafe People:

Parents/caregivers should never tell their children that only strangers can harm them.
In nine out of ten cases, the offender is someone the victim knows.

Blamelessness:

Children need to know and be told repeatedly that being abused or assaulted is never their fault.

Warning Signals

Parents and caregivers should talk to their children every day. Adults should be familiar with their children's behaviors so that they can quickly identify any changes which may be warning signs that a child is being threatened or actually abused.
Although not definite signs that a child is being abused some of the most common warning signals are:

  • Self-destructive behavior
  • Withdrawn or aggressive behavioral extremes
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Problems with peers
  • Sudden substantial weight change
  • Sudden school difficulties
  • Inappropriate sex play

If a child displays any of these warning signals, then parents and caregivers should take action.

Again, the presence of one or more of these characteristics should heighten your concern but does not automatically indicate that abuse has occurred.

If your Child Discloses Abuse:

Your reaction is extremely important to the child's emotional health and recovery.
The following suggestions may be useful if a child discloses:

  • Remain calm, do NOT panic or overreact
  • Believe the child
  • Listen to what the child is telling you
  • Reassure the child that telling you was the right thing to do; tell him/her that you are proud of him/her for telling
  • Do NOT blame the child.
  • Do NOT criticize the child or yell at him/her
  • Do NOT pressure the child to talk or avoid talking about the abuse. Let the child disclose information at his or her pace.
  • Do NOT challenge the child with "Why" questions
  • Do NOT confront the offender
  • Call the police or the Division of Family Services immediately

Dealing with abuse can be an overwhelming and scary situation; consider support and/or counseling for you and your child.

Important Resources:

State Police
302-739-5882

Division of Family Services
(if the abuser is related)
1-800-292-9582

Division of Child Mental Health
302-633-2571

Delaware Helpline
(database of services available in Delaware)
1-800-464-4357

CONTACT
(24 hour helpline-rape crisis)
761-9100

Violent Crimes Compensation Board
302-995-8383

Contact your family physician and/or insurance company for counseling referrals.